lost

The state department can't locate my dossier documents that were sent in for authentication. So, they are "lost" somewhere (even though I have delivery confirmation). Yes, that's every single document that needs to be returned to Bulgaria.....including those background checks that were a pain in the rear to get done. It's also a $50 cashier's check, not to mention the money we paid for the back ground checks and the mailing fees.

So, tomorrow I will begin the process of reassembling the documents (which will take longer because Robert goes back to work tomorrow), paying more money, putting a search out for that cashier's check and doing everything that it will take to reassemble the paper work. This time, I will be paying even more money to mail it because I'm going to request that the envelope be signed for.

This also makes me nervous about my I-800 and all of the documents that went with it. It too shows that it was delivered. But, there is no way to confirm that it actually was. I called the Hauge office and they told me that it won't show up in the computer for them to confirm receipt for 3 weeks. So, I have to wait until the middle of January to know if it was, in fact, delivered.

My frustration continues to grow with this adoption process.

cross post

In case you are only reading the adoption blog and don't follow our family blog, go read this post.

my darling hubby

He put on his best "soldier attitude" along with his "cop voice" (he's a MP, remember) and went back up to our local police department. I don't know what he said or what he did......and honestly, I don't care if he flirted with the secretary.....because he
GOT OUR LOCAL BACKGROUND CHECKS DONE!!!!!
They are notarized and everything!
So, the entire second dossier packet is in the mail to our state department to be apostilled.
Best. Husband. Ever.
I say that all the time.
It really is the truth.

Bless his soul, he has already said that he knows that there WILL be a 7th child, and just because it wasn't the little boy in Bulgaria doesn't mean that God doesn't have a plan.
I love this man and his heart for orphans.
Truly, I do.

so, I won't mention that this was the first dossier form that he's ever done on his own in 3 adoption....

another brick wall to bang my head against

I am tired.
That's just the honest truth right now.

This adoption has been one unexpected stressor after another

and I am so very tired.

We went this morning to get our local background check updated.
This is required for court in Bulgaria. It's one of the few dossier documents that has to be redone so that it's less than 6 months old on the day of court.
The first time we went and had our local background check done, it was very simple.
We walked in our local police department, paid $6 and 5 minutes later, we walked out with nicely notarized local criminal background checks.
Today, the guy at the police department told me that I did not have a notarized background check done there. He went on to tell me that I "am mistaken" because they don't do that.
I will admit that I lost my cool.
After everything else that has happened this month, to have someone tell me that "I am mistaken" when I know good and dang well that I stood in that exact same spot in September and got the back ground check done (and, hello, it's in my dossier packet!).....well, as I said, I lost my cool.
It was not my finest moment in the paper work collecting process.

So, now Robert is making some calls to get our local background check done through the Army (because the county police don't do local back ground checks either, but they were nice enough to tell me that the state police would do it. Umm, hello! I already have a state back ground clearance & a federal background clearance, it's my local clearance that needs to be updated).

We're going to have to wait until tomorrow to get it done, since the MP station will have to run everything for us. It's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. But, it's just one more thing that has created yet another obstacle and yet another delay.

I'm just tired.
I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall every single step of the way with this adoption.
Yes, I know that the end result will be worth it.
Yes, I believe with all of my heart that the child that will join our family is so very worth it all.
But today, I am tired.

I-800

I mailed off the I-800 and the 50 million supporting documents with it.
Ok, ok, so 50 million might be a slight exaggeration, but sometimes it feels like it.
For those not familiar with the next step in adopting from a Hague country, or for those living in adoption bliss by adopting from a non-Hague country, here's the difference:
When adopting from a non-Hague country, you send in the application to get approval to bring a child(ren) into the US as your child. You do the same for Hague, it's just a different form (I-600A for non-Hague, I-800A for Hague). When adopting from a non-Hague country, that's your last dealings with the US immigration office until after your adoption is complete. Once you complete your adoption (in the child's birth country), you go to the US Embassy and file some forms...one of which is the I-600. This paper work is done as part of your visa application and takes about 5 minutes (at least it did in both of our adoptions from non-Hague countries). You turn that in with the rest of the visa paper work and the child's adoption paper work, wait on them to do the facial scan stuff on the child's passport photo and then get your visa. This entire process took 4 hours for our adoption from Ukraine and 2 hours for our adoption from Serbia.
For Hague countries...or, at least for Bulgaria, the process takes MONTHS. First, the I-800 (which is the same as the I-600) has to be filed before the adoption can be finalized. It requires several different supporting documents: proof from your agency that you completed Hague training (umm....you couldn't have got a Hague approved home study nor I-800A approval without doing this, so this is redundant), official copies of the referral information on the child(ren) that you are trying to adopt(along with translations) and a letter from your agency saying that the translation is true (though we've already proven that this referral paper work can be complete crap, since we saw for ourselves that sometimes it's a lie, so I'm not real sure why they want this), the child's original birth certificate & proof that parental rights were terminated (Bulgaria doesn't release this before the adoption is final, so this information is included in the referral paper work), a letter from the country that you're adopting from that gives you permission to proceed with the adoption and either form I-864 or form I-864W (depending on if your adoption is final in the country you are adopting from or if you must finalize in the US). Needless to say, this ended up being a big brown envelope full of papers!

The difference in time line is that while the I-600 is processed right along with everything else in just a few hours, the I-800 takes at least a month to process (if you're lucky). Then, it's sent to the Embassy in the country that you're adopting from. In the case of Bulgaria, our wonderful Embassy in Sofia has recently implemented a wait time once your I-800 arrives. They sit on it for a week before they release it for the adoption process to continue. They also have the right (and have recently done this on more than one occasion) to request both the Bulgarian agency and the US agency to provide proof of the fees that they are charging the family. What does this have to do with our visa application? NOTHING. But it can delay the process even longer (though our agencies get this information to them quickly, it still adds time to the process).

Now, keep in mind, the adoption is still NOT final....no where close. This is just the first step in the visa application (which has to be done BEFORE the adoption can be finalized).....the one that in non-Hague countries takes just a few hours all together to complete.

So, this is the "first step" in the second part of our adoption process.....getting through the first half of the visa process. After that, our file goes back to the MOJ for a signature that allows for court, then our agency requests a court date, then we wait on court, then we wait on the waiting period/birth certificate and then I can travel....and apply for the passport and complete the second half of the visa process.

That is why it takes 3-5 months between trip one and getting the child home.

Healing

In this post, I explained how we came up with Kullen's name & the significance of his middle name. I talked about the lady that I have never met, but who has blessed our adoption journey in many ways this year. Her letters always seem to arrive at just the moment when I need them.

I should not have been surprised to find a letter in my mail box from her today.

She doesn't know what I went through while in Bulgaria. I'd actually printed photos of Kullen this week with the intention of mailing her a card on Monday to update her on our progress and to show her photos of our little guy. I also wanted to share the name we'd chosen with her and why.
But today, before I could get that letter in the mail, I received another letter from her....and it had me in tears.

You see, without her knowing the struggles that have been in my heart since returning from Bulgaria, the Lord once again used her to give me the exact words that I needed to hear today. After reading her letter, I sat down and had a good cry. What I'm struggling with the most in all of this is forgiving myself.

I know that we made the decision that was right for our family in accepting the referral for one child and rejecting the referral of another.
I know that the little boy who's referral that we rejected had a lot more needs than we could effectively meet while also parenting our own children.
In my head, I know that we did the right thing.
But, my heart is still having a really hard time with it all.
In my heart, I feel like I have failed that child....because at the end of the day, he is still an orphan because I walked away.

Here's a small part of the letter I received today:
Here are some lines from some old hymns: "My refuge, my rock in whom I trust." and "We are the spirit of hope, we are the voice of peace." Please hold these phrases close to you. Continue to trust that you are making a difference. Continue to hope in things unseen-things that will not turn out like we expect them, they will be better in the overall picture, for we know the Holy Spirit works great miracles.

Healing.

Tonight, after reading that letter, I wrote the document for the MOJ about why we rejected the referral for "R".

What's next?

We're now in phase two of the adoption process. At least, that's how I think of it.
We have more forms to send to the US government, more forms to send to the Bulgarian government, more forms to send to our agency (that will be needed for court)......and all of that means MORE WAITING.
Here is a break down of the steps for phase two:

1.) Forms for the US government - this is the I-800 application and all the supporting documents. Right now, I'm waiting on the mail to deliver the certified forms from our agency that will accompany the forms we received from the MOJ in Bulgaria and our I-800 application. Then, all of that will be sent to the Hague office for I-800 approval.

2.) Forms for the Bulgarian government - The first form is just one for court.....what Kullen's legal name will be and our agreement to raise him as our own, etc. I did have to shake my head at one statements on this document: The child shall not be subjected to experimental treatment, neither part of his body or his organs shall be used for medical purposes of donorship under any circumstances. I mean, we were asked about this in Ukraine and I do know that people in Eastern Europe really do think that this is why people want to adopt children with special needs. But man, it's still a shock to see it actually in writing on a form.
Then, there is the other form. This is the hard one. It's a form stating that we accept the referral for Kullen and reject the referral for "R". On this form, I have to write out what happened with the referral of "R"....trying to diplomatically explain how the referral was a complete lie (because it's not very nice to just bluntly say that the referral was a lie) and to also explain to the MOJ about the aggression that we observed in the child and why we could not bring him into our family because of that. I want the MOJ to know about our experience, and I want them to be aware that this child's referral was completely inaccurate (because there are other children at that institution registered for adoption and what if their info is a lie too?) and I REALLY want them to understand how hard and devastating it was to come to the conclusion that we could not parent this child and that because of the false referral information, we're now unable to adopt 2 children with special needs like we'd originally desired to do. But, right now, in this moment, it's hard to just write it all out "professionally" because I'm still very emotionally attached to all of this.

3.)Forms for our agency - This is just the updated dossier forms that are "time sensitive". There are certain dossier forms that must be less than 6 months old on the day of court. So, to ensure that these forms (or the dates) won't in any way cause the judge to delay our adoption, our agency just has us redo them at this point so that there is no danger of being "close" on the dates and having the adoption proceedings delayed. The forms that we have to redo are the medical forms and the local back ground check. So, it's not anything difficult. We'll be doing these next week.

So, that's the status update.....MORE WAITING. Once the I-800 is in the mail (please pray with us that we get the info we're waiting on in the mail today or tomorrow), I'll explain the time line for each step.